Saturday, January 19, 2013

I am only one, but still I am one



I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything; but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do. -Edward Everett Hale

This has been my favourite quote for quite some time. I can relate to this quote in many, many ways. I truly believe in trying to be a good person and bettering humanity. I strive to be kind to every person I encounter.. to be courteous and always have top notch manners. Doing this has made me feel internal happiness. I’ve always enjoyed making other people happy, smile and light up. I think it’s because I made a change in my life about 2 years ago. I was in a dark place and can honestly say that I hated myself. I thought many things about myself.. stupid, fat, ugly, disgusting, failure, etc. I cried a lot. I had gotten out of a relationship that was very, very toxic. That split needed to happen for me. For a period of time I didn’t think I’d ever be happy again. I smiled but was dieing on the inside. I honestly had trouble looking people in the eyes. Unless I knew you, I likely didn’t talk to you or look at you. Maybe I was ashamed? Hiding? Scared? I don’t really know. All I know is that since then I have made the most amazing transformation. I have grown into this beautiful, strong woman who loves herself an incredible amount. I never thought I could admit to openly saying that but now I can.

Back then I knew I needed change. I wasn’t sure how or in what way I was going to change my life but I knew I had to. If I didn’t I honestly don’t know where I’d be right now. The first change I made was health related. I was very unhappy with the way I looked. I hated mirrors and anything that was reflective. I hated the awkward lumps on my body and always thought people were judging me when they looked at me. I decided to make a drastic change. I cut out all carbs for 2 weeks. It was pretty hard and I did it but I knew I couldn’t do that forever. I decided that was the wrong change for me and instead tried to tackle my pop/soda addiction. I was probably consuming 3-4 cans of ginger ale a day. This change was harder than trying to cut carbs. Oh man, did I ever crave pop! I did it! And you know what? I’ve had ONE can of pop since then. It was a celebration pop when Jenn’s son was born. I did it! Just because I knew I couldn’t tackle that one change didn’t mean I had to give up completely. That was just the beginning!

Even though I was depressed and in a very dark place I started to live again. I surrounded myself with love and laughter.. with people who meant alot to me. I bought a calendar and made sure I had something going on EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. I wanted to keep busy so that I wouldn’t fall back into a bad place. I also then decided to join weight watchers. This was the decision that completely changed my life. I saw progress within the first few weeks. I dropped really quickly! People had even said that they could see a change in my body after only two weeks. It felt great. Changing my eating habits was something that I could do. I didn’t work out.. I didn’t exercise. I changed my diet. It was something I could do. In May of that year I decided I had too much spare time and wanted to do something good by helping others. I decided to start volunteering at a local homeless youth drop-in center. This was a totally new experience for me. It was something I had never even thought of doing but not only was I helping them..it helped me ALOT. It made me a stronger and better person. I was able to have full-on personal conversations with youth that I didn’t know. I was able to talk about their struggles and support them and offer comforting advice. I even built great relationships with some of the youth. I was able to stick up for myself and for the company I was volunteering for by not accepting any disrespectful behaviour. I confronted them when there was an issue and I never received much backlash (though of course there was SOME).

In that period of time my life changed. I changed. I turned back into this person who was strong and confident and loved life and being around others. I could talk to complete strangers and would make eye contact with no issues. I grew to love myself again! I went out and did things. Jenn and I went to a TON of concerts that summer. I spent a lot of quality time with my former sister in law Saysha (who will forever be known as my sister), and LOVED it. It was the best summer of my life! I also fell in love. I grew so much that I completely opened up to the person I had been interested in for months. I told him I had feelings for him which was something I had never done in my life. I took the first step :). It worked for me as we’ve been dating for 1.5 years and recently moved into an apartment together.

Since then my relationships have grown stronger, I’ve been working out, I’ve become more confident and “ballsy”. I am more open and honest and I can look any person in the eye! I love who I have become. Though my journey may have started in a very dark place I knew there was a light at the end of the tunnel and I never quit. I always did what I could. I may not have done everything the right way but I did it my way and I succeeded. I have accepted myself lumps and all, have grown to love myself  and have realized my self worth.


Today I saw someone post a picture quote on Instagram that really hit home. “It’s not about perfect. It’s about effort. And when you bring that effort every single day, that’s where transformation happens. That’s how change occurs.” Jillian Michaels

And with that said.. I am going to go brew some tea and enjoy the rest of my day :)

Toodles!

Steph

3 comments :

  1. It's amazing how when we love ourselves all other things tend to fall into place naturally. I tell my boyfriend occasionally (when going through old photos) "If I was this girl ... I would have never met you. I wouldn't have been out to bump into you. I wouldn't have even looked at you never mind have the courage to give you my number." It's fabulous to hear (read) someone else speak from the heart about their journey to happiness.

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  2. You inspire me! Powerful post.. it's very, "I am woman, hear me ROAARRR!!" I love how it exudes confidence..Congrats!

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    1. Thank you so much for your feedback! I love it :)

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