Tuesday, May 14, 2013

My Journey and Learning to Love Your Postpartum Body


Ever since I was a young child I pictured myself being a mother someday, longing to nurture and raise a baby of my own. I always dreaded not being able to have children from a young age, but felt comfort knowing that adoption would be an option. So after I married the man of my dreams we decided to start trying for a baby. I began to realize that this journey for us would not be as easy as others we knew had it. So here’s my journey in simplest terms... 

Almost a year into trying I finally got a positive pregnancy test, I was beyond overjoyed. Went to the doctor to get routine blood work done and they found that the HCG (pregnancy hormone) was not strong enough to consider this a normal pregnancy even though urine tests came up positive. I had to continue to get blood work done weekly until the dreaded unthinkable happened. Devastation is the only world I can think of that would slightly describe the feeling I felt. After a year had passed and many talks with my gynecologist I was recommended to go for testing, very awkward, uncomfortable but necessary testing. They discovered I had cystic ovaries (PCOS - Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome) and I was not regularly releasing eggs (ovum). My doctor suggested that taking a very common fertility medication will help, and did it ever. I got pregnant the very first month trying this medication. Although I was feeling very scared and skeptical, I was so excited and hopeful. I decided to tell my close friends and family as my blood work was all coming back very normal and regular, thinking finally what I have been longing for is going to happen. I was 9 weeks into my pregnancy when the doctor suggested I go for an ultrasound. So I did the necessary drinking a ton of water and danced my pee dance to my ultrasound room. With extreme excitement I lay on the bed and the lady proceeds to put the cold jelly on my belly. Brandin waits patiently in the lobby, as he can’t join until the technician finished. To my horror the technician finds an empty amniotic sac, and proceeds to try different methods of getting a better look. She finds the little baby there in my left fallopian tube, with full blood supply and a heart beat. A look of panic goes over her face, and she tells me I need to go home immediately and my doctor will call me with instruction. My doctor calls me on the phone 15 minutes after my appointment and informs me that I did have a tubal pregnancy and I needed to rush to the hospital immediately as the baby was 3.5mm x 3mm approximately and my fallopian tube is about the size of a hair normally. They were in fear of it bursting and told me to be very careful. I went to the hospital and they said there was absolutely nothing they could do to save this baby, I had never cried so hard in my entire life. My world just shattered at that moment. They recommended I take shots of Methotrexate which will naturally stop cell growth and make it pass naturally without harming my tube. I was instructed to have a lot of blood work done over the next three months to ensure that everything got cleared out safely and nothing inside me got damaged. I was instructed to go on bedrest, and in that time I fell into a deep depression. I didn’t even have strength to get out of bed or to talk to anyone. Once this long process was completed, I decided it was time to take a break from all this and go on birth control for three months. 

After the three months went by I was ready to consider trying again so I met with my doctor. He sent me for an ultrasound and found that I had developed a scar above my left ovary but it shouldn’t interfere with me getting pregnant, also all of my cysts in the ovaries completely vanished. I was feeling extremely scared and hesitant on trying again for a baby but something just felt right. So he suggested I try a month without any fertility medication and he wanted to completely monitor it. I again did not ovulate that month. So without hesitation I took fertility meds and voila! I got pregnant the first try again. Feeling hopeful and terrified I kept it a secret this time. At 4 weeks pregnant I went for my first ultrasound and implantation happened and it was exactly where it needed to be. I felt immediate relief but still felt so scared. I continued to be monitored very closely and things just kept progressing perfectly. My due date was marked as May 8th 2012, and Noah entered this world May 11th 2012. Having him in my arms was a feeling I can not describe in words, he was born healthy, perfect and the most beautiful baby I had ever seen.


Describing my journey above does not cover everything that happened but is written as short as possible. Being a mom is the bestest job in the entire world. I would not trade this for anything, this right here is pure success. Noah is now a year old and healthy as ever! I am truly blessed and feel all these things we went through must happen for a reason.


Yes, your body does change quite a bit after pregnancy and never really goes back 100% to the way it was before..... But who cares! Look at that beautiful little person you brought into this world. I am blessed with not many stretch marks but I do have some, and I have come to terms with them as they are my battle scars and I am proud and you should be too. Being a mother is a wonderful gift, because behind every lady not loving her postpartum body is another woman wishing she had one. Being a mother is a challenging, rewarding and special job. So, if you’re not loving your postpartum body, please stop and love it! Be grateful because you are blessed.


Life is good.
Jenn

2 comments :

  1. This is wonderfully honest Jenn, gives me a better idea of what you've been through. I'm so glad you never gave up. "...behind every lady not loving her postpartum body is another woman wishing she had one." That's a powerful statement.

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  2. Thank you Barry, it definitely wasn't easy posting something like this because I typically don't talk about it. Even a lot of my family didn't know this is what I went through until this post. When I was going through this time in my life I wished that I knew more people who had gone through something similar to help me feel better and not alone. I just hope that in sharing my story that it will reach out to others and help them.

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